Dear Miss Iowa,
Well, this sure has been an interesting week hasn’t it? None of us thought you’d be invited to throw out the first pitch tonight and yet here you are. Capt. Morgan was supposed to make the pitch, so watch out, those pirates can be trouble.
I wanted to welcome you to our nation’s capital. We hope you like our ballpark and enjoy meeting Miguel Batista. We’re glad you’ve been a good sport about the whole “Imagine if you go to see Miss Universe, then you end up having Miss Iowa, you might get those kind of boos. But it’s okay” thing. Hopefully, Batista will be out there in a bathing suit and tiara to catch your first pitch tonight. I am sure either way, the fans of the Washington Nationals will cheer you on with great enthusiasm.
So anyway, the Nats are hosting the Philadelphia Phillies and their fans travel down here in droves. It is a long story, but in short:
YOU ARE GOING TO BE BOOED
Its them, not us. They booed Santa Claus you know. Mike Schmidt too. We think its great you are going to be here, enjoy your stay.