Oh great, Lou Holtz is giving Penn State a pep talk

Not nearly as crazy as previous pep talks though. Um, unfortunately, the team Holtz gives the pep talks to are 0-3 this year.

The brilliant, but marginally work-safe EDSBS had a great parody of the Holtz pep talks last week.

What I want you to know is that we’re all here for a purpose. People want purpose. People crave purpose. People also crave honey, like bears do, whether it’s on melba toast, biscuits, or even their oatmeal in the morning. So we’re like bears in a lot of ways men. And that’s what I’m here to tell you: you’re all bears who like honey. In football uniforms.

And one thing bears do is sleep. They’re strong, bears. God made ’em with four paws so they could get where the want to go so they don’t have to use cars. Because bears have lousy credit, men. Why? Because they don’t take care of the thing they’re supposed to, that’s why! Like the rent, or bills, or driving their cars. What’s a bear doing with a car when I just said they don’t need them?…Yes, hate! Do you hate enough to win! That’s Notre Dame out there! They think god’s on their side! And he is, because they’re Jews, and therefore the chosen people, so you’ve got to fight like mad pagans out there today, men with no afterlife to face! Men without hope! In fact, you’re all going to die alone, men. Alone, frightened, and probably too drunk to know you’re freezing to death in a snowbank.


H/T Run up the Score!

Add a Comment